My Blue Heaven

Weekend Round-Up

This weekend my sleeping pattern was ALL OVER THE SHOP, reminiscent of my early 20s. Getting up in the PM every day, sleeping for 11 hours on Friday night, then Netflix bingeing a new show till 5:30 am (I watched nearly the entire season of new Colombian Drama / Fantasy “Always A Witch” in one sitting) whilst my partner (let’s call him A) was up even later playing the new Resident Evil on PS4 till 7 am. Finally, we were out Sunday night at a monthly dancers jam (that A also DJs at) so we didn’t get home till nearly midnight, felt peckish, ended up cooking some udon at midnight something before going to bed. Not exactly embodying my Way Of Being of “Healthy”!

BUT I did manage to do some light training yesterday (mainly abs and stretching) plus I danced last night, which my body was really craving after two whole weeks of doing absolutely nothing whilst healing my hand injury (torn flexor retinaculum). Kazz does not like an inactive lifestyle!

My partner and I also went shopping on Saturday which was lovely. We ended up in Liberty where he bought me my very first proper hat. I’m not normally a hat person and I’ve never worn one as a fashion accessory before so I’m half hoping I haven’t made a mistake in getting this (ie will I actually wear it much?) and half thinking it’s good to step outside one’s comfort zone every so often and why the hell not if it looks good on me?

Anyway, I’ve spent way too long writing this weekend round-up. This style of blogging is suprisingly hard for me nowadays. It’s like part of me is resisting it, overthinking it, caring too much. #RecoveringPerfectionist. Meh. My brain has been all over the place these past few days.

Kazz signing out.

Being A Creator

I’ve been contemplating the concept of creativity lately. My theme for 2019 is Create. One of my ways of being (ie how I most want to show up in the world – a concept I learned in The Holiday Council) for both last year and this year is “creative”. Thinking back, I have always had the urge to create and to express myself through my creations. It could be writing a blog, creating a video blog, making music, dancing, taking photos for my instagram.. there’s always been something.

But in the most recent years, I feel like I’ve lost a bit of that personal touch. Perhaps I simply turned inward for some time, as I delved into the last 3-4 years of personal development and growth. Perhaps it was that I was swept up, along with the rest of the internet, in the whole social media persona game. Only presenting my very best curated self to the world. And being real somehow became scary. What did I have to offer that was relevant or worthwhile in today’s competitive information-overloaded world, where everyone and their pet has a blog/insta/snapchat/twitter? I’d like to recapture the charm of my old blog posts, but does anyone in the blogosphere really care about what I ate or how my workout went anymore? It’s hard to compete with “Top 5 Ways To Live Your Best Life” (or insert any other topic of self-improvement / life hack / body sculpting / career coaching etc) type of blogs out there. But perhaps it’s not about competing at all. Creating is simply about courageously offering what only you can offer. As Elizabeth Gilbert puts it, “Do you have the courage to bring forth the treasures that are hidden within you?”

Serendipitously, whilst chewing on the self-doubt that crept its way into my mind, I discovered a mention on twitter from 2 months ago which I’d completely missed.

Apparently, my anecdotal personal creations and overwhelming desire to share my life with the world-wide-web inspired someone and changed their life for the better 9 years ago. Wow. That was an emotional moment for me. Especially when they told me I make the world a better place. Nobody has ever said that to me before – whether about my online creations or in real life!

Well.. if that isn’t a sign from the universe that my creations matter to someone..

I guess I have the answer to my doubts. I guess I will keep being a creator.. both because of the positive effect it can have on someone’s life and because it is inherently part of who I am. We are all creators deep down.

Blog Revival?

Been reading through my old blog posts from early-mid 2000s recently and they make me smile and reminisce. They’ve also inspired me somewhat. I’m feeling the urge to blog again. But I don’t want my posts to be polished, overly edited in that “journalism” way. I don’t want to feel pressured to write something deep and meaningful. I want them to be like my old blog posts – authentic, quirky, conversational, real.. a snapshot into my life at that moment, on that day.

I’ve attempted to revive my blogging habit a few times over the years but they’ve always fizzled out. Let’s see if this attempt sticks. The internet is a very different beast these days. I kinda miss the old days. There was a lot of charm in the blogosphere back then. An innocence and childlike wonder in sharing one’s life on the internet and just seeing if it connects or resonates with someone.

Ok so, in the spirit of old blogging days. Tonight I watched Alita with my partner and his friend. Interesting movie. I’m totally not an anime/manga watcher/reader so I went in with zero expectations. I do like all things sci-fi and fantasy so it was enjoyable for me but… I just found the ending a bit.. unsatisfying.

Well, it’s late. Bedfordshire for me.