My Blue Heaven

Ruminating

I think I think too much. Hrm. And I used to think that thinking a lot about things was a good thing… but now I’m thinking that maybe thinking too much is not such a good thing all the time. Er.. make sense?

Or maybe it just depends on *what* I think about. I suppose it’s unhelpful to frequently ruminate on the negative aspects of your life… you dwell on these things and you end up spiralling down into this depressive cycle. And listening to depressive music doesn’t help either. Neither does dreaming depressing things, but I guess you can’t really help that. I was reading this website on depression, and the link between depression and sleep/dreams, and that perhaps medication wasn’t the answer.. it was interesting – (I’ve always found psychological matters interesting). Clicky here to check it out… and can any psychologists tell me if what they’re saying is valid or total crap? (Erm not saying that I have “clinical” depression or anything, but I do know people that do.. I wonder if this would be helpful for them?)

Anyway.. so how does one stop negative thoughts from over-running their mind, and prevent themselves from going into that depressive cycle? Is it as simple as “getting over yourself” and ceasing being so “selfish” and “self-centred”.. to look around and not be so inward focused? Or is there more to it…. is it not right that someone gets easily triggered into feeling depressed due to feelings of loneliness / feel they are lacking friends? Should that person just learn to become more “independant” and not rely so much on others to fulfill that need for companionship? How much is too much reliance? And then… where does God fit into this picture? Does God really solve all these problems? Does it mean you’re not trusting God enough? Is that really where the core of the problem lies? Or is it more complicated than that?

Um.. I’m starting to lose my train of thought. I think this calls for a –

/rant

I think I need to stop being so honest on my blog. And I think I need to stop thinking so much. 😛

B-Fo Obsession

In other news. Ben Folds absolutely ROCKS! I bought his new album (which I’m really loving!) and found a few rare B Sides on mp3. My new fave songs of his are:

• Hiro’s Song (this song is AWESOME and the lyrics are hilarious, I think its a B-Side from Rocking The Suburbs – Jap version)
• There’s Always Someone Cooler Than You (Sunny 16 EP & live version on Landed B Side)
• Emaline (Ben Folds Five song, from Naked Baby Photos – but I prefer the live version on Ben Folds Live)
• Trusted (on the new album)
• Learn To Live With What You Are (Sunny 16 EP)
• Landed (new album)
• Gracie (new album – very cute song.. funny lyrics too :))

Heheh err ok thats a lot. I admit it… I’m in a huge Ben Folds music phase at the moment. I’ve even been (attempting to) play some of his stuff on piano. Man its friggin hard. But fun! I’ve kinda succesfully managed to play “Army” – but those triplets are soooo fast. My left hand seriously cannot keep up. And as for Zak and Sara.. forget it!! Emaline is getting there though.. I quite enjoy playing that one.. it’s a great song! Hm I should go find some more tabs/charts.. I wanna learn to play Where’s Summer B… and One Angry Dwarf.. and more!

Current listening :: “There’s Always Someone Cooler Than You” – Ben Folds

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Ben Folds Fotos & Bootlegs

At least one of us had the sense to bring a camera to the Ben Folds gig. Many thanks to Janet for these pics. (ARGH I’m still kicking myself over not thinking to bring my digicam… oh the videos I could have captured!!! *sob* See the photos and you’ll understand my anguish.) Note that these pics were taken with the good old fashioned film camera – no zoom!! We were *that* close!

And as usual dear old benny lived up to his usual antics of playing choir master with the crowd. Whilst standing on top of the grand Steinway & Sons piano, I might add.

A couple more pics can be found in my gallery.

Oh and a special treat for any Ben Folds fans. Someone has kindly uploaded mp3 bootlegs from the Enmore gig on Sat night (I was at the Fri night one). Clicky here to download. If this link goes dead, I’ll upload a select few myself. 🙂 You have to check out his Dr Dre cover “Bitches Aint Shit” and “Popcorn”. Classic!

Current listening :: “Zak And Sara” – Ben Folds (Live @ Enmore 2nd April 2005)

It is DONE!!!

ARGHHHH!!!!!!

I’ve just resigned at work. 😀 😀 😀

ARGHHHH!!!!

It went very well, if you’re wondering. A very friendly and amiable parting. I told him that I was going to London, and he encouraged it – said he wishes he could do the same! Hehe. We talked about the admin details (coz I wanna take all my leave before I quit so I get the annual leave loading… haha such a tight-arse asian I am). And yeh, discussed my farewell lunch etc. Oh and best of all, he’s gonna write me a letter of reference, even though my company’s policy is that they don’t do formal letters – with the company letterhead on them, he’ll write me one personally. 🙂

ARGHHHH!!!!

Such a relief and load off my chest. Man. I’m so excited. Or maybe thats just the coffee kicking in. 😛

Phew. Now… next on my plate… really need to get all my crap together and start packing! Only 4 weeks and 4 days to go! I can’t believe this is happening. It’s still all sinking in. ARGHHHHH!!!

[Edit:]
Oh yeh, I’m also gonna be throwing a par-tay. At my place. You’re all invited. 🙂 How does Saturday 30th April sound? Either that or Saturday 23rd April.

Current listening :: “Come Fly With Me” – Michael Buble (Hehe.. how appropriate!! :D)

YART

Stands for: Yet Another Recycled Thread. Perhaps YARQ would be more appropriate in this case. Yet Another Recycled Quiz. 🙂 But this result did seem kinda scarily accurate.. in parts.

The intelligent loner

You’re shy at times but friendly, and you are never weak and always independent. You are incredibly intelligent (wise beyond your years) and have a talent for many things (sports, music, art). You have a kind and warm personality and enjoy the simple things. Like hanging out with friends and watching movies at home. But your sometimes quiet nature makes you a bit of an outcast and a mystery to people. No matter how pretty you are or smart or athletic, you just can’t seem to break into the crowd and be noticed. Don’t worry, try to be more outgoing and speak out when you have more to say. Don’t hide behind your books and sports and computer, get out there and get noticed. You also have deep desires in life and feel vunerable and alone at times. Don’t feel sad. What helps me to express feelings and dreams that I can’t say to people, is through my writting. Maybe you should try.

What kind of girl are you? (with pix!)
brought to you by Quizilla

Current listening :: “The Sound Of White” – Missy Higgins

Another day in the life of Kazzart

I’m really loving this older switchfoot song (off the “A Walk To Remember” soundtrack – they played it at the UNSW gig). *sigh*

Hello, good morning, how you do?
What makes your rising sun so new?
I could use a fresh beginning too
All of my regrets are nothing new

So, appologies for not updating in a while. Things have been really hectic for me lately. Work has been mega busy… ugh… so stressful!! I hate doing a project when I have absolutely nfi what I’m doing, and how to use the technology. Meh, anyway, I’ll spare you my rant about work and continue the update on my oh-so thrilling life. 😛 In point form:

• My british passport arrived a few days ago!! Yay! Thats one less thing to worry about now. It was strange… I felt strange holding that british passport in my hand. Just.. this wierdness.. the realisation that my home is also in a place on the other side of the world. Hard to explain… but it just left me feeling a bit displaced.. something to do with my identity I think..
• My CV and cover letter are FINALLY finished!! Yay!! They’ve been sent out with Global Career Link and also uploaded to jobsite.co.uk. I’ve actually had 3 recruitment agents email me so far about job opportunities. And I’ve also applied to a number of web development jobs that seemed to match my skillset. There seem to be heaps of IT web development jobs available in London atm!! So I’m hoping it won’t take me too long secure a job over there!
• I have secured accomodation for my first few weeks over in London! One of my cousins has offered for me to stay with her and her husband in a house in London in sw11, zone 2 of London – which is very close to the city… a nice central location. (I’m actually starting to get familiar with the suburbs over there by studying the tube map and reading books/websites about London.) But I don’t want to impose on their generosity for more than a couple of weeks – so I better find a job asap, otherwise I’ll be living in a hostel for a while.. till I have a steady income and can rent a flat.
• Have been seriously getting ready for the move to London. I’ve started writing a list of things to pack, thinking about and gathering the various documents I’ll need to bring, cleaning my room (well it always needs to be cleaned :p) etc etc. Soon I’ll need to book in appointments for final checkups with doctors, dentists and optomotrists. And cancel any active accounts/memberships I have (eg gym, mobile etc). I’ll also need to get myself a qantas frequent flyers card. Lots to do! Only 5 weeks to go! ARGH!!! I’m pretty excited about going there… its all starting to feel more real now.

Oh and last night I went to the Ben Folds gig at The Metro. It was awesome! He rocks my socks. 🙂 Such inspiring stuff… makes me wish I practised more piano. I also had one of the best spots, 1 row from the very front, the stage – soooo close to Ben Folds. He was literally just a few metres away, and I could see every note he was playing. And guess what…. I FORGOT TO BRING MY CAMERA!!! UGHHH!!! :(((( Ok.. not gonna think about that, otherwise I’m gonna go kick myself… and I already have a bruise on my shin from the hiphop workshop (collision course with another girls ankle bone).

So, apart from all the London stuff… other areas in my life have been undergoing a bit of turmoil. Just… been dealing with a lot of emotional crap from the past. I dunno why it’s all coming up now.. perhaps it is subconciously related to The Big Move. But, its been a struggle… dealing with this stuff… this baggage. Man I’ve packed me some pretty hefty suitcases over the past years. Lots to sort though… and even though I feel like crap at the moment, I will hopefully come out a stronger, wiser person on the other end. *sigh* Its all been rather draining. I tell you what, this trip to London is certainly going to be interesting.

So… now that I’ve gotten this blog update out of the way… onto other important tasks.. like hand washing some new clothes, eating dinner, then just chillin and continuing my journey though Stargate season 5. Sounds like a plan. 🙂

Current listening :: “Learning To Breathe” – Switchfoot

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Emotionally arousing ruminations

I’m standing on a bridge
I’m waiting in the dark
I thought that you’d be here by now
There’s nothing but the rain
No footsteps on the ground
I’m listening but there’s no sound

It’s a damn cold night
Trying to figure out this life
Won’t you take me by the hand
Take me somewhere new
I dont know who you are
but I, I’m with you
I’m with you

Shirty thy name is Kazzart

Meh. Have been in the shirtiest mood this evening. Not to mention depressed. Maybe tis the miserable weather. Maybe tis the sleep deprivation. Maybe tis the crimson wave. Maybe tis all of them. Who knows… But watch out! She bites! *bares teeth* 😛 Bring on some Radiohead. And Jebediah. And The Cure. And Smashing Pumpkins. And Doves. And Foo Fighters.

…..

*sigh*

Bleh.

Plus near all my friends are abandoning me this weekend. Church ppl are all going on youth houseparty… and some other friends are going to melbourne. *sniff* Heheh.

Nah gives me time to chill, and start cleaning out my room in preparation for the move to London. Only 6 weeks to go! That’s right. I’m counting in weeks now!! Crappity crap its creeping up quickly. (Try saying that quickly 5 times in a row!) I’m feeling a certain mixture of excitement, sadness and “unsurety” (translation: uncertainty :P) about the move. I haven’t been doing much in the way of preparation lately – haven’t even finished my CV, as I’ve still been receiving feedback and making improvements to it. Wotta masterpiece it’s gonna be! But I definitely will attempt to knock over at least a few to-do items during the easter long weekend. Will post an updated to-do list tomorrow. 🙂

So, now that that’s all off my chest… Ima gonna go watch Princess Diaries 2 (again) DVD on my laptop…. in bed. 🙂 Have been thinking about doing this all day. Tis the perfect weather for such relaxing and cozy activities. And methinks some chocolate ice-cream is in order too. Mmmm…. 😀

Current listening :: “No Suprises” – Radiohead

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Jack Johnson Gig

It was abso-friggin-lutely AWESOME! 🙂 Despite the rain (was pouring at one stage – so glad I had my “Great Barrier Reef” poncho.. even though must have looked ridiculous – but hey, ppl were even wearing garbage bags), going solo, and 6 hours of standing squashed in a crowd of 30,000…. I had myself a GREAT time! With over 5 hours of live music – 3 support acts, and Jack playing for a solid 2 hours – it was almost like an outdoor music festival. The supports included Xavier Rudd (very cool stuff!), Donavon Frankenreiter, G. Love & Special Sauce and DJ Katalyst playing a good mix of tunes in between sets. My first time seeing Jack live… he’s awesome! Very natural and friendly on stage.. a great performer, his songs sound even better live. Even with everyone singing along to most of his songs. 🙂 I took soooo many photos (and *cough* videos) at the gig.. I’ve uploaded all the photos here. Here’s a sample below.

[Update: Videos have been uploaded! All up, 9 vids, 45 megs!! Clicky here, for a limited time only coz they take too much space!]

Incidentally, I met this italian guy called Fabio (and no he was not the most beautiful man in the cosmos). He was there alone too, and was my gig buddy for the evening. As cool as it was being there alone.. it was nice to chat to someone occasionally.

Day Out @ Wattamolla

What a great weekend! Not only was there Jack Johnson on Friday night, I had a very enjoyable day out with friends on Saturday at a BBQ/day out at Wattamolla beach, down south at the Royal National Park. (Hello guys if you’re reading this :P) Though it had been forecast to rain, the day turned out just beautiful.. blue skies, fluffy white clouds and sunshine. 🙂 We started the day a bit late as one of us had a small car accident (on the way to pick me up incidentally).. but we eventually made it to Wattamolla by lunch time. The day was then spent eating a scrummy bbq lunch (hey it was a good effort, even though we had no oil, no bbq utensils and no sauce! :P), playing various sports involving balls (cricket, volleyball.. or seeing how high you could throw a tennis ball?? The things that amuse some people. :P), frolicking in the rather nippy ocean (learnt an amusing new term that surfers apparently use for cold water – “spanner water” – can anyone guess what that phrase means?), or lazing about on the sand. Here’s a few piccies (more pics here, and also thanks to Steve for some extra pics):

Karaoke Craziness!

After having dinner in Liverpool, some of us headed out to K-Mix in the city for some KARAOKE! What was meant to be a 2 hour booking got extended (twice) to a mammoth 4 hours of karaoke fun. I think this is the most fun I’ve ever had at a karaoke session. These guys are a crack up! Everyone fully got into it – from dancing on table tops (*cough*), to singing our hearts (and lungs) out, or doing “backstreet boys” style moves (ROMYL!), posing like a very.. *cough*homosexual*cough* “Dancing Queen” (ROMYL!), and just generally letting loose (note that NO alcohol was involved whatsoever) and having an all round awesome time. 😀 Some great singers too! We even kept on singing acapella after they turned our machine off. Hehe.

Afterwards, a few of us were feeling a bit peckish.. and I was cravin some pancakes (“Make you banana pancakes… pretend like its the weekend…” Ok I gotta stop reciting those Jack Johnson lyrics.. :P), so off we went to Pancakes at the Rocks.. at 3am! Ended up getting home (once again) at around 6am. You guys are such a bad influence. (Btw if you guys are reading this, I think you should be nice to Kazzart and leave a comment. :D)

Current listening :: “Wasting Time” – Jack Johnson (Hehe.. appropriate.. took me aages to get all these photos from the weekend up and this is a mother of a post!!)

Crazy?

Does anyone else have a habit of talking to themselves? Was just realising – I think I talk to myself a lot – like whilst I drive (if alone), when another driver is being annoying, I’ll call out to them “Aw come ON!”… or insult them in some manner, or if they are nice I’d gratefully say “Thank you!” And so on…

Then I remembered, during uni, my friends told me I used to talk to myself quite a lot whilst programming. So geeky.. they told me it was like I was giving myself a running commentary whilst programming assignments and labs. Rather amusing really.

Here’s a probable example of what it may have been like sitting next to me in the computer labs… “Ok declare variable i, and assign it to 0 for now. Now, lets see I think I’ll use a For loop… hmmm I need to start from i until the end of the array… etc etc … ok lets try it… What?!? Why aren’t you working you stupid piece of… oh wait a sec… duhh… its i+1.. alrighty then give it another whirl… *waits*… Yay its working.. woohoo!” Or something along those lines.

Ok geek rating has just gone off the scale. I think I need to go…. play some sport or something. Ooh.. hiphop class tonight. That’ll suffice. 😎

Anyways. Only 2 & 1/2 hours to go until end of the week for me! Yay! I have tomorrow off coz I’m going to the Jack Johnson concert at Centennial Park! Woohoo. And its gonna rain. Woohoo.. not. *sigh* Guess I better waterproof myself good and proper then.

Oh yeh and as promised, a piccy of my uber hot sim. Everyone… meet Rosalyn. 😛 (Sorry she’s in her pjs.. they’re a bit risque.)

Current listening :: “Belle” – Jack Johnson

Kazzart + Sims 2 = BAD IDEA

Oh boy, I knew it was gonna be a bad idea to buy Sims 2. Bought it on Sunday arvo. Installed it on my new laptop on Sunday night (at like midnight), and slept at 2am that night and last night, playing it.

It is such an addictive game! Played it for good solid 5 – 6 hours last night.. taking a break to have dinner and wash the dishes. I was so into the game, and totally zoned out by it, I felt like a Sim washing the dishes… giving myself commands to do household chores. Sorta scary really!

Anyway, I’ve been playing in Pleasantville (for those who know Sims) to just get the hang of things – with the Pleasant family lot. I kinda suck at it so far – too many people to try and manage – they never get enough rest or food, and time goes too fast! The dad even passed out outside the house from exhaustion due to my neglect, and then pee’ed his pants upon awakening. And in front of the sexy house maid (with whom I was trying to get him with). Hehehe.

Then I decided to create my own Sim – my very first Sim! Of course, I had to make her an uber hot chicky babe. 😉 Which is sorta why I slept so late last night – spent ages adjusting the features on her face to make her perfect. 😛 And damn is she hot – black hair, blue eyes, pouty lips. Nice. And then you get to choose make up and clothes too. Haha.. just like barbie dolls for grown ups. Err… or maybe not. Anyway, I think you can take snapshot pictures of your Sim – so I’ll see if I can post up a portrait of my hot chicky Sim. Hee.

Anyway, time to do some work – I’ve had my mocha for the morning. Methinks I am gonna need more than one today!

Current listening :: “Banana Pancakes” – Jack Johnson (Going to see him this friday @ Centennial Park!! Woohoo! But its forecast for showers.. nooooooo!!!)

An Ode To Blog Spam

Blog spam, blog spam
Oh how I hate thee
Thy neverending life I would if within my power
Willingly throw off the highest tower
To fall into the darkest pit
And be crushed into a lifeless
Ball of blackness

Current listening :: “How Could You” – Mario