My Blue Heaven

Troubled

So many thoughts in my head at the moment. I want to blog about it all… but I’m finding it hard to get started… to organise my thoughts…. and to decide just how much I want to reveal. (Again the bloggers paradox rears its not-so-pretty head.)

Just been feeling really troubled lately. Relationships with people have been stressing me out. Its always to do with relationships isn’t it. Though for once its not my ‘relationship’.

I’m torn between wanting to distance myself, or to respond in kind or to do the right (and most difficult) thing. Sometimes I get so frustrated with people, that I just don’t want to be around them anymore. Sometimes I feel really cynical about friendships. Maybe I always have been. Looking at an old diary entry about 3 years ago… I wrote “There’s nobody. Not even friends. Y once told me that friends are all there is to hold on to. But thats not true. People, whether friends or not, don’t want to know people like me. Not deeply anyway. I should never rely on anyone. Never trust anyone.” Ok, so that had more to do with certain unpleasant highschool experiences. And perhaps I never fully got over it. The current situation is a bit different. Hm this probably doesn’t really make sense. Then again… I am being deliberately cryptic. 🙂

Man this is not a good time for me to be blogging. I’m starting to become too open. I was wondering why I was feeling so emotional about things… and I took a look my calendar. Yep. My suspicions were correct. (Take one guess :P).


Hm… I think I just managed to talk about it without talking about it. Anyway. I might end up deleting or editing this post later.

Current listening :: “Breaking Us In Two” – Mandy Moore

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