My Blue Heaven

Ain’t Misbehavin

A video clip from our second gig at Piada, which was on Saturday 27th September, 2008. The song is an old jazz classic called “Ain’t Misbehavin”. Enjoy!

Le sigh

The above title pretty much sums up how I feel right now. I don’t know what has come over me over the past day or two. For some reason I’ve just been feeling this melancholic blueness wash over me. I don’t know where it’s coming from, or why.. but I just feel kinda.. sad. I mean yesterday evening I was bawling my eyes out. Is it PMS on its way? Surely not.. it’s too soon.

Le sigh.

Maybe it’s the weather. It has taken a definite turn towards winter. The days are noticably shorter and quite on the chilly side. Maybe it’s SAD. Seasonal Affective Disorder. On that note.. I do feel like a hot mug of Chamomile tea about now..

*2 minutes later*

So.. I’ve been thinking about my past.. and that’s kinda gotten me down too. Past relationships.. and inevitably, relationship failures.. particularly the most recent one. I guess I was just remembering a few things, the good things, and that made me sad. I guess I’ve spent so much time dwelling on the bad things.. the reasons why it didn’t work, that suddenly remembering those good moments felt.. unexpectedly sad.

Not only that though.. I feel like I’m constantly trying so hard to keep it all together.. to be successful at everything I do, or even just to be able to juggle everything on my plate (and boy is there a lot).. that sometimes, I just end up feeling drained (as I’ve mentioned before in past blog entries). Maybe I expect too much from life.. and from myself..?

I still feel lonely too. Even though I have a new bf (and things are going very well with that.. he is wonderful). I guess, the friendship/social part of my life is still a little.. lacking. It’s progressed a bit - at least I have one solid girl friend now, with whom I am on close enough terms that I can call her just for a chat or call her up just to hang out (simple things like that really do make a difference - though I need to make sure I’m not so busy all the time with my overflowing plate that I don’t end up having time to meet her - yeh, constant struggle that one). Anyway.. there is that feeling of.. aloneness. Adriftedness? Disconnectedness? I feel kinda displaced.. particularly when I see/hear about friends back home moving on in life.. getting married, having kids etc etc. I told a friend recently that I felt like me and my friends back home were on two different travelators.. moving on in life, at the same age, yet our lives are so different.

Le sigh.

I dunno.. I was hoping blogging about this would help clear my head a bit. It kinda has.. but at the same time, I feel a bit confused about what I’m actually sad about now.. probably a complicated mixture of things as always.

Anyway.. tis my bedtime now. Gnite all.

ZOMG two months since last blog!

Wow. Has it really been two months? How time flies.

So what’s new in the life of Kazzart. Gosh.. where to start!? Well things have improved a bit since my last, rather down-hearted post. My wrists seem to be in better shape for one, haven’t had a case of RSI for a while now. Using an ergonomic joystick mouse and keyboard at work has definitely helped. I’m also very careful now when I practice piano.. I always warm up, I’m careful not to tense my muscles or push myself too far. Oh, and Ibuprofen gel is my friend. What else.. my time is a bit easier to manage now that music college term is over and we’re on summer holidays. I think I might make things easier for myself in the coming year and only do one module instead of two! Two nights a week is just too much for me, with my current job going the way it is. On that note, work has definitely gotten busier with more and more responsibility piling on. I’m now getting involved as Technical Manager/Technical Lead on a number of projects. As well as still doing some web dev work. I’m not sure if I enjoy the TM stuff, but I think it is good experience to have so I will give it a go and see how I feel at the end of the year.

Last month I went away on an awesome summer holiday. I organised a two week holiday for my parents and brother in Barcelona, Spain and Portugal (Lisbon & Algarve). It was great to get away and get some SUMMER. Seriously.. the weather here in UK has been SOOOOOO sh*t it would be blasphemy to call it a “summer”. Strangely, everywhere else in the EU seems to be scorching hot.. it’s like there is some invisible weather barrier between us and continental europe (maybe its the english channel). Anyway.. enough whining about the weather.. I’m becoming more and more british every day.. wait I am already “technically” british lol. So yeh, the holiday was great fun. I *loved* Barcelona.. great food, friendly locals, beautiful city and great weather! Also really loved just chillin out by the beach at the Algarve. The weather there really is just PERFECT.. that perfect mix of warm south european and dry hot north african climate. Blue skies and sunshine pretty much every day! And the sun is actually HOT. Got myself a lovely tan there.. and stocked up on my Vitamin D dosage for the year. Here are some photos from the trip.

Barcelona, Spain

Algarve, Portugal

Lisbon, Portugal

Anyway.. since coming back from holidays.. I’ve been getting back into regular yoga and dancing again. I’ve been gone so long from hiphop even my teacher noticed and welcomed me back! I’m also still going to cuban salsa and getting better each week - which is good coz I really enjoy dancing salsa with my bf.. he’s still heaps better than me though! So fingers crossed I’ll be able to keep that all going coz I seriously need to get fit again! Not to mention, I just feel so good afterwards.

The Sheridan Trio (my jazz trio) also played our FIRST public gig last Saturday! W00t w00t! It went pretty well. Loads of people came, they seemed to enjoy it, the owner was really impressed and we just had fun performing. More about that later… might post some videos too!

Guess that’s all from me for now.. it’s home time!

I’m in the world’s first internet balloon race! Whee!

I’ve decided to participate in the world’s first internet balloon race! I’ve entered this website to the list of sites participating in the balloon race, and I also have my very own Racoon (closest thing to a cat) balloon. So to all my readers.. please.. help give my balloon a boost in the race. I’m not too sure how its gonna work yet, but I think it will have something to do with the widget below:

The race starts at midday on Monday June 23rd, 2008 and ends at midday on June 30th, 2008. So c’mon guys… show us some love!

Meh

Feeling extremely deflated at the moment. Sometimes I don’t know why I bother putting so much effort into trying to do (and not only do, but excel at) so many things at once. Sometimes I am so busy I don’t even have the time to pee. Life (not to mention my bladder) would be much more relaxed if perhaps I stopped trying to be superwoman. Stopped trying to have my cake and eat it too. (But I do so love a good vanilla cheesecake.. mmm…)

Meh. It’s late.. again. I never go to bed early enough. I’m always tired. I don’t have time to go to the gym anymore - I haven’t even been to my once a week yoga class in 2 weeks (which means I’m wasting money on gym membership fees). I haven’t been to hiphop dance class in a month and a half (which means I’m also wasting money on my dance studio membership fees). My neck and shoulders have knots the size of large boulders and are a constant discomfort/pain. I am struggling with RSI in my right wrist (the tendons are inflamed). I am almost constantly stressed. Still get sick too easily. I am really struggling financially. Plus my parents don’t approve of my life or choices. I never have time to do the things I need to do.

I just want a break from it all. Sometimes I feel like I’m on the brink of not being able to handle it.

Perhaps part-time music college + demanding full-time job + playing in a band + other hobbies/activities = It Is Not Possible.